Have you ever walked out of a doctor’s office feeling dismissed?

Maybe you were told your symptoms were "normal," or brushed off with "just lose weight," or sent home with no answers despite months of pain, fatigue, or confusion. If that sounds familiar, you're not alone.

Many patients - especially women, people in larger bodies, older adults, and those with complex or chronic conditions - know what it feels like to be dismissed. It doesn’t just hurt your feelings. It delays care, erodes trust, and can leave you feeling powerless.

As a board-certified family medicine physician and a chronic illness patient myself, I’ve seen both sides of the exam table. And I want to share a few tools that can help you navigate those moments when you feel ignored, invalidated, or shut down.

This post walks you through 10 phrases you can use in real time, what they communicate, and how to stay grounded during difficult appointments. And if you want a structured way to plan your next visit, download the free Doctor Visit Prep Worksheet at the end of this post.

First: Let Yourself Process Before the Appointment

You shouldn’t have to rehearse for your doctor’s visit like it’s a debate. But the truth is, emotional patients are often labeled as "anxious," "noncompliant," or "difficult."

That’s why I recommend taking a few steps before you even walk into the exam room:

• Write down your top 2 concerns, your 3 main questions, and any symptom patterns you've tracked.
• Journal your emotions ahead of time. Anger, frustration, fear: they’re valid. Let them out before the visit.
• Talk it through with someone you trust: a therapist, a friend, or a support group.
• Bring someone with you if you can. An advocate can help take notes, speak up, or offer support when you feel overwhelmed.

The goal here isn’t to suppress your feelings. It’s to make sure you’re not derailed by them when it matters most.

What to Say When You Feel Dismissed

Here are phrases you can use when your concerns aren’t being taken seriously. Each one is designed to keep the conversation going with calm, confident boundaries.

1. “I’m concerned this is being overlooked; can we come back to it?”

Use this when the topic gets brushed aside or redirected too quickly.

2. “Can you help me understand why this symptom isn’t concerning to you?”

Use this when your worry is minimized without a clear reason. It invites explanation, not conflict.

3. “I’m glad the labs are normal: but I still don’t feel normal. What else could we consider?”

A gentle reminder that lab results don’t always tell the full story.

4. “I don’t feel like we’ve fully explored this yet. Is there a next step we can take together?" or "What would be the next step in a diagnostic workup?”

Use this when the visit feels rushed or incomplete.

5. “This might not be urgent, but it’s impacting my daily life: and I’d like to find out why.”

Helps reframe chronic issues as worthy of attention.

6. “Can we document that I brought this up today?”

If your concern isn’t taken seriously, at least get it on record.

7. “I’m tracking this symptom; can I show you what I’ve noticed?”

Use this to bring data and specifics to the table.

8. “What would you do if this were happening to someone [in a different age group] or [to the opposite gender]?”

Gently calls out bias without accusation.

9. “I understand weight can be a factor: but this started before any weight changes. Can we look at it more specifically?”

Redirects the focus from weight-blaming to actual clinical patterns.

10. “I’m open to discussing weight: but today I’d like to focus on what else could be causing this specific symptom.”

Sets a boundary and protects your agenda for the visit.

What If the Provider Gets Defensive?

Sometimes, even when you're calm and clear, a provider may become irritated, defensive, or dismissive. If that happens:

• Stay grounded. Avoid shouting or threatening, even if you're tempted.
• Stick to facts. Keep redirecting the conversation back to your symptoms and impact.
• Ask for documentation. And request a copy of your visit notes.
• Bring an advocate next time. Or consider changing providers if trust breaks down.

Remember: You are not too much. You are advocating for basic respect, safety, and care.

Want Help Preparing for Your Next Appointment?

I've created a free Doctor Visit Prep Worksheet to help you:

• Organize your top symptoms and questions
• Know what to say (and what to bring)
• Advocate for yourself without escalating the situation

Click here to download it. And if this post helped you feel more confident, consider sharing it with someone else who needs it.

You deserve to be heard.

Dr. Goodwin is a board-certified family medicine physician and chronic illness patient. Her mission is to help patients feel seen, heard, and empowered in the medical system.